Diary of a Freelancer Redux

Fog of Worry Diary

I want to encourage you. But give me a minute.

I’m an introvert, it turns out. I know you wouldn’t think that, because I’m smirky and I’m a comic and I’m a redhead. But, turns out, I’d rather be drawing and writing than almost anything else on the planet. The three exceptions to this are:

  1. being on, or in, water
  2. traveling with my guys
  3. climbing Mayan temples
  4. eating Mexican* food

*Or, Indian food. Either one. Both magically delicious in their own amazing way!

I know, that’s four!! And then, five, with the asterisk! Keep reading anyway!

I think you have to be pretty self-motivated, when you’re a freelancer. And lately, I’ve been frustrated with what I am  or am not getting done – that’s a big piece of it too. In the last few months, I lost my dear Dad (very shaky still), and we’ve moved to a new city (this month), and I’m still staring at many unpacked boxes (intimidating, and where’s my dang Martha White Corn Meal?). It’s a (let’s call it) challenging time of life. And I know “the West” gets it wrong, with grief, and how fast we should process things. But that’s another bloggy wog. Sooooo, anytime I get down about my work, or my life, or my mood, I just pull out a sketchbook and my iPad . . . and I keep drawing, and I keep writing.

I talk to the Great Creator (which is a lot of what is in my head and on my pages) and I ask WHY? and WHY NOT? a lot. I think  right now that God may be very bored with me, but somehow fascinated, like a now-jolly, now-angry kid watching a roly-poly on the sidewalk. And I ask God questions, and I think, hmmm. God is not answering, God is observing, or God is waiting, or God is binge-watching “Stranger Things” on Netflix, like everybody else. And I think about how small a word “God” is, for the Great Creator.  And I want miracles for everyone with Parkinson’s and Cancer. Right now.

I’m so glad to have my health, and mad that others don’t.

And wondering why some people think they have to be mean to others. I’m horrified by what Leslie Jones has been going through, and proud of her for standing up to it. And mad about how that redirects her great, creative energy for a bit. Stealing her time (I’m always in a bad mood if you steal my time, even without all that hate attached.)

And then I’m back to me again, feeling inadequate, still, of all things! You would think that at this age, my middle-school insecurities would be wiped away, but nope, turns out, I’m human. Dammit. I keep trying to rise above that, but well, as you see.

And then I make a list of what I’ve done this year.

Which includes 300 drawings for two coloring books, plus comics and cartoons for Dirty Diamonds, The All-Girl Comics Anthology, an illustration for The Cartoonist, for the National Cartoonists Society, two comics and two ads for Magic Bullet (DC Conspiracy), my own work on Haint Blue, my it’s-taking-forever graphic novel about the supernatural, and submitted my Fog of Worry panel comics to more than one syndicate (waiting on that). I’ve written and performed stories on stage with Story District DC and Storytalks NYC (Gotham Comedy Club), and performed my standup act at Comic Strip Live in NYC.

And I feel a little better, but cancer and Parkinson’s are still attacking people I know and love, and their friends and family. I’m mad about that. I keep coming back to it.

And I spend a little time praying, and hoping prayer “works.”

Back to drawing.

Hang in there, everybody, we are all on a journey no one else can really see. Because if they DID see, we would be embarrassed at how often we turn to brownies for solace, even if they ARE Fiber-One brownies, and so much better for you.

Right now I’m planning the fall cons – CreativeCon Panama City, and New York ComicCon. Well, I’m not the one planning them, who has time for that? (See: “Stranger Things”.)

peace, love, and other things hippies say,

 

trl

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s